I’ve been reading many blogs lately, both by people I know in real life and by strangers. And I’ve noticed that the more they write, the better they get. Interesting concept, right? So I’m giving it a shot (again). But here’s my issue. I love reading other people’s words so much more than my own. That’s why I sometimes think I don’t really have a future in copywriting. Because I am never really satisfied with my work unless someone I respect says they like it too. Maybe the ability to look at my own writing critically is something I can learn as I keep picking up the pencil and jotting things down, or tapping away on my keyboard as it were.

One thing that has prevented me from getting serious about a blog – and making it known –  is I’m not sure what to call it. Dumb, right? Even now, I’m questioning whether to continue with a blog that uses my last name. I chose this originally to “build my brand” (yes it sounds as lame now to me as it may to you), but now I’m not sure if I should remain more anonymous, especially considering where I live – let’s just say this country technically blocks wordpress (and blogspot/facebook/twitter) but I have found a few ways around that.

Anyway, I have to get used to including visuals too, so why don’t I leave you with a little something unrelated to this post:

This guy probably doesn't blog much either

It’s the last week of my internship. I’ve been lamenting this fact for awhile. I feel like there’s still so much to learn, plus I really like the people here, and feel like I’m just getting to know them now. For all the traveling and moving around I’ve done the last few years, I get attached to people and places, and find it hard to say goodbye. Change is hard, and I don’t like it too much.

Because I’m aware of how much I don’t like change, I have to constantly challenge myself to be more open to it. Everywhere you look in life, you see the dangerous results of not embracing change.

So many companies fail to grow because their decision makers weren’t open to making important changes. Government and not for profits in particular I think have this problem. “But this is how it’s always done” is a common theme, one that can quickly squash new, and good ideas.

So it’s time I get back to work for today, and make the most of the 5 days I have left here. But I’m going to make a conscious effort to be excited for future opportunities, instead of looking behind me longingly. Though, I think it’s still okay to be sad for a little while about leaving.

Intern: But how do I become a better writer?
Boss: Have you considered showing up to work half drunk?

Hmmm.. I won’t get too deep into that, but it does make me think – for me, the best writing happens when I can allow myself to relax and just write, without caring what the first draft sounds like, or getting too caught up in exactly the right word choice, or worrying whether it’s going to be good enough or complete enough. That’s why I always preferred to write my school assignments at 5am on the day they were due – anytime before that and I felt paralyzed. At that point, you just have to write something down, and can’t concern yourself with whether it’s perfect or not.  Most of the time, the essay turned out fine.

Real life is different. If you’re working as a copywriter, you have multiple projects on the go, and can’t leave all of them until 5 am every day. Plus, I was kidding myself to think that my university work was the best work I could do, or even “good enough.” When the professor has 40 papers to mark, yeah, yours might get an A because it has the lowest number of grammatical errors of any she sees that day. But in the real world, you only have one shot with the website, annual report, or billboard ad you’re doing, and people will notice if it’s not complete or the idea’s kind of lame. So, I need to spend more time working through my thoughts. And that takes me back to the aforementioned boss’s response.

I get really anxious when trying to get my thoughts on paper, particularly when I want to show my employer good work, and want it to be something he would write himself. The problem is, he’s had 30 years experience and I’m still an intern. So i start thinking about that, and getting anxious, which leads to writer’s block, which leads to more anxiety. Vicious cycle. I have tried deep breaths, a bit of meditation, going for a run, a glass of wine… I haven’t found the answer yet. I have a sneaking suspicion that more practice and experience are key. I think I’m just going to have to suffer through a lot of writer’s block until I figure out a general flow for all writing, where I can just take the particular information and insert it one of a few templates I’ve created in my head. Does that make sense? If not, it looks like i’ll be introducing a daily pre-work happy hour into my routine.

And the firm has a really nice office too. It’s an old two-storey house, that’s kept the original wood floors and baseboards. It’s a pretty small staff, which means there’s lots of space for everything, and they’ve kept the original rooms.

This firm does a lot of work with non-profits and community development groups in the city, and I like that they’ve “put their money where their mouth is” by working in an area that really needs the business.

Anyway, so I am sitting here at my desk now, enjoying the cooling action of the ceiling fan. Another great thing about this place is that they don’t turn the air-con on full blast all the time, so I can comfortably sit here in June with a t-shirt on and not have to pull on a sweater when inside.

But I haven’t even gotten to the actual work yet! I’m working on some copy for the website of a local credit union right now, and it’s tough work. I don’t have a lot of experience in advertising or marketing (not sure my boss knows this though…) so it’s definitely a stretch for me. How do I write in a captivating and even funny way, while conveying all the necessary information. And succinctly! Oh, and not using words like succinct and convey… It’s tough. But I am learning quite a lot.

Another project I’ve been working on is increasing the web presence of this firm itself. I’m learning a lot about how SEO works. It would be great for them to start a blog, or newsletter on their website (they’re funny guys, so it would be enjoyable to read), so I’m brainstorming some possible topics. I may even write a few articles myself to surprise them.

I also thought of it as “them vs. me” – there were arty, creative sorts out there, and I was on the far other end of the spectrum.

Well now, with a few weeks of my PR internship under my belt (which I haven’t mentioned at all… I’ve skipped a bit ahead but I’ll get back there), and after a few incredibly painful writing sessions, I’m thinking “hey, maybe I like this writing thing after all. and maybe i could even be good at it.” after all, my grade 3 teacher mrs. tassonyi did tell me to “never stop writing.” she was a smart lady, and I would be wise to heed that advice.

So, it’s with a bit of reluctance still that I am embarking on the path to becoming a writer. my first challenge to myself is to write without censoring; meaning, I’m going to let it flow from my brain out my fingertips without worrying about whether i’ve articulated a thought exactly the way that i want to, or whether i have punctuated the sentence correctly (though i do love a properly placed semi-colon). I’m also not going to worry, at this point, whether I am writing in the best way for someone else to want to read it. although of course that’s my end goal. but in the past, I’ve held myself back by wanting something to be perfect, and in the end i just don’t get it done at all. so that’s what i’m trying to avoid. let’s make this an enjoyable experience all around.

Next up (tomorrow?), I’ll talk about my current internship, and why it’s inspired me to want to write for a living, and made me see the potential in the field of PR/marketing.

I’m officially finished all of my assignments, tests and presentations for my PR program. I should be feeling freeeeee (and i really did, yesterday), but today I feel adrift and like a fairly large cloud is looming overhead. I don’t have an internship yet. I really can’t complain about that–I haven’t applied to many places. You could say I’ve been picky. Part of the problem is that I still don’t know what PR path I want to go down – corporate or agency? The bigger problem is that I also can’t decide what city/country I should focus on. I started off in September hoping to go to Hong Kong or back to China, but came to realize that this is nearly impossible for someone without a) English/Chinese language skills or b) an already established, senior-level PR career.

Then I couldn’t decide between Toronto, where I’ve been going to school and where most of my classmates will be working, or Indianapolis, where my parents live.  So, at this point I’m not sure. I’m leaving Toronto tomorrow (sadly) and hoping that something works out with a very interesting agency in Indy that I’ve been in contact with. They are an agency, but do a lot of work with not-for-profits – I think this could be a great combination. 

So, I am keeping my fingers crossed, and seeing what happens. I’ve always been a believer in “everything happens for a reason” but I usually realize that AFTER the fact, when things have already worked out. It’s really hard to remember that when you feel like the pieces aren’t fitting together.

I then signed up for this wordpress blog back in September. As a Humber PR student, I knew it was important for me to join the conversation that is social media. The only problem: I didn’t feel like I had anything worthwhile to contribute yet. I felt (and still feel) like a child at her parents’ dinner party, anxious to join in the conversation but not wanting to seem obnoxious. So I’ve been kind of waiting to see what my blogging niche may be, and what I might say on here that would be of interest to other people.

But enough already! I’ve sat on the sidelines for too long. I’ve thought about what I “could” say, or “would” say, and now I’m just going to say it. Over the course of many posts, I mean.

I can’t talk about social media conversations without mentioning Twitter, of course. Twitter is another medium that I am just dipping my toe in – even though we learned about at school, in a great tutorial from Joe Thornley, months ago. What I like about Twitter the most is the link to others’ blogs and websites. I think it gives a greater depth to the people you’re following than their 140 character tweets alone. So, now when people see that I’m following them they’ll have an opportunity to click here and learn a bit more about me too.